Show and Tell: If I could travel in time, I would..

366 challenge: My Daughter's Eye

Funnily enough, I have been thinking about telling you about his. I did sort of go back in time a while ago.

I'll start by letting you know about me and my mother. My mother had quite a hard childhood. that, I have understood during the past years, have put it's mark on our relationship. She had a particularly bad relationship with her mother and that sort of spilled out into hers and mine.

Anyway, when I turned 30, I put my foot down, letting her know that from now on, I was not a garbage bin, in which she could throw all her horrible feelings and experiences. I was neither an emotional punch bag for all bad things other people had made her endure. This didn't exactly go down with a treat and the years after that was a bit rocky, but I tried to stay firm, letting her know that with my children in the picture, I really expected some respect from her.

2 years ago she called me. On her own birthday, she called me, crying at 10.30am. It was as if she couldn't bear the thought of noone calling her. We had a great talk, she told me about her life and the people around her and we spoke about our relationship, why she had never been there for me. I let her know that ALL I wanted from her was for her to show interest in my children. I wasn't going to "give a good word for her", which meant that she would have to build up her relationship with my children by approaching them herself. (I hadn't said anything bad either,
I have a lovely grandmother myself and I think it's a fantastic relationship to have)

After that phone call, I haven't heard anything for almost 2 years. Not on my son's 5th birthday, not on my daughter's 2nd birthday, not at Christmas, not at my 35th birthday, not at my son's 6th birthday, not at my daughter's 3rd birthday.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching regarding my mother and around one year ago, I came to the conclusion that I was ok with the fact that we didn't have any relationship. By not contacting her and by giving her "an ultimatum", I had to go through the thought "what if something happens to her during our time of not speaking", and I came to the conclusion that I was at peace with my actions. However hard I was searching within myself, I didn't even miss her. Not one bit. I couldn't even bring myself to be sad by the fact that we didn't have a relationship.

I have had trouble remembering a really good moment between us. We didn't really have any, because she became ill when I was 13. She wasn't interested in me, she never was. She was the kind of mother who was in charge of the school parent association, who started up youth clubs for the children in our village, but funnily enough, she was never there for me. She wasn't interested in who I was. That's probably why it was so hard to realize, that when I had children,
she chose other children before mine.

Anyway, *this is getting long*, about 1week before my birthday, I had the weirdest dream. It wasn't so much as a dream, but a memory, that I was reliving. I dreamed that I was walking beside my mother in a park. When I woke up, I was all emotional and I really remembered how my mother was when I was about 2-4years old. I remember how we walked through the park, holding hands. We were singing and she was smiling and looking at me. I remember that look now. It is such a strong memory for me, and I recognize it. I remember her smile and how she looked at me. Happy.

Maybe she was thinking of me really hard that night, or maybe it's just my love for my own 3year-old daughter, which made me reach into myself and made me able to take this emotional step forward *within myself* in my relationship with my mother. Maybe this text comes out flat, as I am trying to describe my dream, but this is what I came to think of when I saw this week's theme for the Tell and Show.

I've been time travelling and I revisited myself as a 3year old little girl. :)

A couple of days later, she called me on my birthday. The first phone call in 47 months.

We had a really good talk.

To read other Show and Tell contributions this week, look at the following blogs: Nilla,Simone,Anna,Desiree,Annika, Anne,Petra ,Anna-Saltis ,Millan ,AuroraBuddha,Anki,Lullun, Marianne,Victoria,Susanne,Lia,Cecilia,Leopardia, Anne-Marie, Marina, Marie, Strandmamman,
M.K.B , Ulrika, Jemaya, Nina, Kicki, Barbamorsan

Sleepwalking all day

I never woke up this morning, I don't know why, but my mind and body never seemed to acknowledge the fact that it was morning and time to get started.

So I have been sleepwalking my way through the day, wandering around the flat, watching the children play, sneaking off to the computer..

J had a fascination this morning. A spoon. It kept her occupied for over an hour. She was delighted that she could see herself in it. She looked at herself over and over again, talking to the spoon, singing to the spoon, tried if I could see myself and if C could see himself. I find it amazing how they can just loose themselves in something like that.


Comment of the day: C and I have found our little "daddy's away-routine". We watch telly together when J has gone to bed and Cs favorite program is Nigella Express (he chose this over a Bamse magazine or even a children's program..). I think it is the fact that she smiles a lot and make yummy food. As usual he was talking his way through this whole program.

"But, is she home all alone? Where are her children? Where is she shopping now? Why is she looking at us all the time? 100grams? Do we have to count to 100 when we make those cookies then?"

And, in the last scene, when Nigella is tucking into on her 3rd main course meal :

"She sure can eat a lot, can't she!"

Sunday at the beach

Today, true to my feel-better-check-list, we all packed ourselves in the car and went to the beach.

It didn't start off in the smoothest of ways. When we were about to leave I was working, O asked me if I was finished soon?

"Yes, in about 3 minutes" was my reply, not necessarily meaning me being ready in 3 minutes but merely my work, so when I finished my last task for the day on my computer he was already in the car with the children waiting and I had to rush about like a mad cow trying to find something to wear *2weeks dressed in PJs and no wardrobes in the bedroom, makes thing like this a true challenge!*. Still having a bit of a cold I also suddenly realized that it was probably arctic weather outside and I also had to find hats and warmer coats for the children. Arriving to the car, the children (and not only them) where a bit fed up with the sitting in the car.

This time we went a bit further than our usual beach trip and it was well worth the extra miles.


C and O left me and J playing in the sand and went hiking on the rocks. This is not the best of pictures, but it is the first ever picture I've taken of J, where she actually looks like me! *hmm, reading this afterwards, I am not sure that came across to well, bad picture = looks like me!*


She was very concentrated, collecting food for the birds *she was a bit annoyed with the sea gulls that they didn't come when she called for dinner*.


In her normal tidy manner she organized the stones into mummy stones and baby stones, placing the baby stones on top of the mummy stones *she did a lot of carrying!*

The region where we live is a volcanic region *mind you extinct volcanoes, I've been googling!* and there are some fabulous rocks on this beach, it is very close to an ancient vent of a volcano.

Here C is as a fierce pirate. J did her very best to climb the rocks as well and all of a sudden the moon was up and we had to go home again.

Comment of the day: I am terrible with birds, remembering what sort of species they are. My mum, dad and brother always had some strange bonding going on "oh, look there is a red blah blah.." and I don't know if it was sheer teenage resistance or what, but at the age of 13 I sort of took took a vow on not remembering such boring things and I am clearly now being punished. Today, C pointed at a sea gull exclaiming: "Look, mummy a swan!"

One big step towards the new me..

I have never understood why anyone would sit down in front of the tv and watch someone else cook. *boooooring*

But then we both ended up watching Nigella Lawson Express on Sunday evening.

Maybe it was the fact that she slipped in "but frankly, I couldn't be bother with that, so I just..." every now and then, which kept my interest going.

She also had gorgeous cookware, which I now also would like to add to my growing birthday wishlist

Photo: Blueshots

On Monday evening I ordered groceries online and ordered everything for one of her recipes, Chicken alla cacciatora.

So today was the big, historic day when I was to start my new life as a cooking-tv-chef-dinners-mum.


I realized as I lined up all ingredients that I didn't have the garlic olive oil, so I added one tiny garlic clove and used butter instead. Neither did I have bay leaves. *I don't understand why the store didn't give me dried bay leaves when didn't have fresh ones..when they could exchange my gooseberry yogurt to raspberry*

*Anyway*

I fried the garlic a little bit and added the bacon, spring onions and rosemary. Fine, no problemo *feeling the italian ease..*


I had some trouble getting the chicken nicely golden, but eventually I was satisfied *or rather I thought about the boiling time..* Here, I think I have poured the wine into the pan. Poured 2dl (and also added some more later on).
*still quite pleased, I wasn't sure about the celery salt, but it smelled beautiful when sprinkled onto the frying chicken*


My heart sank a bit when I added the crushed tomatoes, it is not a favorite of mine, but still hoped for a good result.

I don't really understand the 10-30minutes cooking time, as the chicken was to simmer for 20minutes even before the beans was added, so it took quite a while. By the time the food was finished, I was so hungry, I didn't bother trying to get a nice photo of the plate, so here it is:

Verdict:

• C cleared his plate, but wasn't too keen on the beans.
  
• J tried several times, but it didn't go down to well, but I served it really hot (when she walked past the computer while I was posting this, she pointed at the screen saying "ajaj", which means ouch in Swedish)
  
• I think it was nice, ok, but I would love to do it again with tomato puree and with garlic olive oil and bay leafs.
• O had a look in here, told me he was very impressed and then *ca 2min later* asked me if we had anything to eat at home...

Comment of the day: C, when sitting with me in the sofa in the evening, watching *surprice, surprice Nigella Lawson Express*: "Mamma, jag älskar att sitta här bara du och jag. Det e så mysigt att jag tror att jag får hjärtaögon *som i de tecknade serierna*. Det här ögat e golden *pekar på sitt vänstra öga* och detta är alldeles rosa..
which translated to english is:
"Mummy, I love sitting here just the two of us. It is so cosy, so I think I have "heart eyes" (heart shaped eyes like in the cartoons). This one *pointing at his left eye* is golden and this one is all pink..

The Daunting Task

I have a problem. Well, not a problem as a dilemma, really.

I have the Daunting-Task-syndrome.

Like today, or actually it started yesterday when realizing that O had taken the buggy to the airport (it was in the car, which he parked there to spare me from popping to the parking meter every four hours). I instantly realized that today, which was "go-to-pharmacy-day", was going to be a bit of a challenge. J, being 2years old, is as stubborn as an old horse when it comes to walking nicely and my physique is not really compliant with carrying stubborn toddler halfway across city.

O reminded me yesterday evening, when I was sharing my worries with him *very pleased with my substitute for complaining there..*, that we actually have a second buggy, however with an acute need of tire pumping *oh, in which of the remaining 76 boxes did we put the pump?..*

So this morning I woke up with quite a lot of energy, managed to clean the kitchen spotless, including clearing and wiping out the refrigerator before my grocery delivery arrived *many grownup housewife points there*. I made pancakes and put J down for a nap, played with C on the computer for half an hour and then my thoughts went to the Daunting Task.

I realized that any normal sane person would just check the wheels of the buggy, dress the children and go, but did I? No..

I search the whole flat for that miracle little pill, who would make my daunting task slip into tomorrow. I actually searched for 1h, I emailed O asking if he knew of any odd place where he had seen my medicine lying around and I even contemplated surviving on only half a dose!

Eventually I gave up, unfolded the buggy *in which moment I realized that our former nanny, had actually taken the buggy to the bicycle shop and had the tires filled*, and took the children downstairs and out.

It was BEAUTIFUL outside. The weather was lovely, sunny, cool and crisp. The children were so well behaved, 6 people smiled and said hello, one woman even complimenting the children of their colorful coats. The pharmacy *ok, I have a bit of a pharmacy phobia, after the last comment I had in the big city: "Are you sure this is right (looking at my prescription), this is more than the usual dose that your on!" This guy was seriously scary, he even remembered how many Otrivin drops O had bought at one point.

Where was I? Ah, the pharmacy people were really, really nice and part from J refusing to go upstairs when arriving back home, it all went very smoothly. All sorted in 35 minutes.

So what is the deal with The Daunting Task, I wonder? Is it just me?

Back up in the flat, we made rocket ships out of a Pringles tube and party hats, whilst I made dinner. That was not the least bit stressful.

Beats me..

Photo: Ian Britton

Comment of the day: C, when seeing a yellow autumn leaf on the pavement. He picked it up and said: Look, this must be from granddad, because there are no trees around, so it must have fallen from his tree in heaven, where he lives.

My wishlist

There are some drawbacks to having birthday in the autumn.

You are among the youngest in your class (that is if your school enters pupils by calendar year).

Come to think of it, nowadays I don't really consider it a drawback on my part..

The other drawback is Halloween... Last year, I didn't really wish for anything more then a home made birthday cake. When my birthday arrived, I was thrown a lovely birthday party by my family, but our life was really chaotic that week and I wasn't well, so O was shopping for the party, kind of in the last minute, and bought me a cake instead, or rather, he let the children choose between the one's in the store.

I got one with a marzipan witch riding a broom on top...

So this year I am using this place to give little hints on what would really make my day.

1) A home made cake.
2) if there is not time for baking, I woud LOVE to have something like this accompaning the halloween cake:

Photo: Fairmont & Main, John Lewis

..for our kitchen. I would also love to have any of these gorgeous items for our new utility room:

Photo: John Lewis

Comment of the day: When playing musical statues and I stopped the music: C: "George is out!!"
"George who??"
C pointing at one of the cuddly toys, not really moving around to the music in the first place.

Promises, promises

I am sure most parents have made promises to their children, that they later wish they had not done.

When driving past the bicycle store on Saturday evening at 5.56, faced with the daunting task of whisking the children through the doors, up the stairs where the bicycles department is situated and then manage to make a decision on who is getting which helmet and then leaving with 2 happy children, all within the time frame of 4 minutes, that was such a moment for me and O.

"But we'll come back tomorrow and buy bicycle helmets!" And just to make it even better: "C, look at the sign. When do they open? Oh 10, we'll be here at 10then!! *brilliant*

So obviously I woke up with a migraine on Sunday, J had a cold and C a tummy ache.

By 3 o'clock we were all feeling ok, so off we went to the bicycle store. J immediately chose a bright pink one with daisies on. C wanted something scary like Power Rangers, only problem was, I pointed at the only Power Rangers helmet on the shelf, and because I did, HE wasn't the one to choose it... after some discussions and trying on every single helmet in the children's department, HE chose the Power Rangers one.

We had to try them out at our new favorite location off course!


The excitement of trying on his new gear for the first time!


We also had pic nic today again. The children found it very exciting to sit opposite us on the promenade.


J really seemed to relax och enjoy her apple, very appreciated by walkers-by..

Remembering the reasons

Saturday was a very good reminder of why we moved here.

10 minutes from our new home lies this beach.


Part from watching O play with the children, I had some time to contemplate, studying the sand...*also, I had the pleasure of overseeing the buggy. It had a tendency to fall over with the whole picnic content spilling over*


We picked sea shells for future art projects.

I tried to catch J on camera, but she was head down in the sand every second of the visit:


The children ran around and we mostly smiled, very pleased with our new neighboring beach.


Love my happy O.

The kind of skills one develop as a mother

is really under-estimated in the world of today.

I was very pleased with myself being able to put together C's castle this morning. Especially after realizing the instructions were missing.

I also have to add, to anyone reading this without the daily pleasure of doing any task requiring a little bit of concentration in the company of 2 children, J was obviously taking off any piece I manged to put in the right place and C putting it elsewhere, excitedly exclaiming "We are doing it any way we like, right mummy?"

If anyone wonder what is featured at the bottom right hand corner of the picture, it is obviously a Partying Crocodile..

Comment of the day: C on daddy's return after 3 days in the big city: I love you so much, it is as if my heart is glued (har klister) , and when daddy comes home the sticky tape comes loose and it breaks.

Quiet Wednesday

Surely it's just a say?...

So Wednesday morning started off with a bang, but that was really the big happening. Managed to score some house wife points on the washing and hoovering. C and J was playing nicely.

I caught J in the kitchen window, she told me she was waiting for "woff, woff" (dog downstairs). She usually stands in the kitchen window shouting "hello woff woff!" and loves when the little furry thing goes mad, barking from the bottom of the garden..


C was in a particularly good mood in the evening, tickeling both me and J.

*brrrr* It is cold today!

I have been talking about how glorious it is going to be to live on a more northernly latitude, being Swedish and actually 75% Finnish, meaning I practically have it in my genes to do ice bathing in the middle of winter.

Went outside yesterday and I had a complete shock to the system. 2 degrees when going shopping in September is nothing we're used to!

Today it was around 7 degrees outside *my goodness, I am starting to sound like my father* in the morning and after some desperate fiddling with the central heating, the heat is slowly filling the flat.

O is working in the big city today, so I have been trying to get some work done with the children as company, Julia doing her best to distract me.


Thank you Bolibompa, for supplying some Swedish distraction around the world!


Comment of the day : J, after spilling her glas of apple juice all over table including big brothers top and trousers and noticing it was empty: "Bla (bra) J, J dricke upp!!", which actually is more correct when translated into English. "Well done J, J has finished her juice!"
C was very calm as I wiped up all juice and then he said: "I think we have to give J to someone else, but then again, we wouldn't want to do that, would we?"